U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
