ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
