pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
