theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
