My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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