I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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