Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I did not marry a roomba.
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