There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
