why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The air taste purple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
