Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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