i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
