How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
