so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
