pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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