three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
