We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
