So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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