my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
