Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
