I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
