I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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