I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
