Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Vodka?
Forever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
