Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
