we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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