Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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