Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
