The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
