True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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