My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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