and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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