All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
