i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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