is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
