He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
