I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
