I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
