You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
