The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
