He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
