I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
