I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
