I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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