I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
