Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
