keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
