I have demons in me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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