I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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