And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
