i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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